I'm pretty sure these Kunts are Prikks

Dear The Koffee House,

Do you think you're being Klever by spelling Koffee with a K?  Or maybe your cafe is actually a full-scale set for an 80's sitcom?  The true reason for this absurd abuse of the alphabet will remain a mystery to me because I will never, fucking, ever, fucking set foot in your cafe.  Am I being a little dramatic?  Uh...NO.  Well, not yet. 

Your intentional misspelling of the word Koffee has me very suspicious of what you're actually serving.  If I were to order a coffee, and ALL of your signage says "Koffee", are you legally allowed to just serve me whatever the fuck you think Koffee is?  Maybe "Koffee" is a real thing.  And maybe it's the grossest shit ever.  And maybe it tastes EXACTLY like coffee but maybe it's really made of ground-up centipedes and doodie or maybe it even tastes like the best coffee I've ever tasted but maybe it's actually a nuclear waste processing by-product that has been deemed 'safe' for low levels of human consumption.  Maybe you have a huge, evil poluta-saurus rex parent company and maybe they opened The Koffee House so they can legally use human customers to filter this toxic sludge AND have us pay for the privilege to do it!!  It's an abomination!  I'm a-fucking-ppalled!!  This is probably all true but I'm forced to admit that there is a small chance you're innocent.  I guess we'll never know hey?  You smug Prikks.  You'll probably actually get away with this. 

And as if this flagrant lack of respect for yourselves or your community wasn't enough, your font is Re-God-Damned-Diculous too.  It makes me think that your staff are all silly, silly people and you make choices for your business based on your fucking horoscope.

I'll tell ya what.  You, Toys 'R' Us, Dunkin' Donuts and fucking Krispy Kreme can suck a Kock.  It's not clever, it's irresponsible.  Kids read your logos and see your ads.  Then they scream until they get some of your fatty "food" and an over-priced, obnoxious toy.  You're contributing to a culture where it's considered cool to be ditsy and that's why I'm pretty sure you cunts are pricks.